In the last few years, I’ve overcome a few things and I learned what I will never do again, and why.
Share My Passwords With A Partner…
Trust is important in any relationship. My personal opinion on trust is that is the base foundation of a good love, and hopefully a lasting one. (I wouldn’t know, yet).
I could happily give my password to a partner. I am a faithful woman with nothing to hide; but I won’t ever do it. Why?
Because it is problematic. Intimacy comes from sharing select private information with people, not giving them the keys to your privacy kingdom.
When you share your passwords, you aren’t only violating your own privacy; you’re violating the privacy of anyone you have, or will correspond with. People send messages to people assuming that person is the only one who will see it. (Unless it’s a group chat).
Be Afraid To Fall In Love…
I have had my heart broken time after time. I spent over six years in toxic relationships. I have been cheated on, and treated like shit. But, no matter how many times I have been hurt, I have learned to no longer fear love.
After these relationships, I took time for myself. I researched about everything I wanted to understand, and I started to open my mind to life.
Having your trust broken in a relationship is the worst – and it is incredibly hard to overcome and learn to trust again. My self worth declined in those relationships and I forgot what I was worth. I’m not looking for love, now, I’m actually really content without it. I have the love I need from my friends and family. So, I know, when the time comes – I won’t be afraid to fall in love. Love wholeheartedly. Turn pain into art. Learn from it. Embrace it all.
Explain My Worth To Anyone…
For years, I felt like a weak person. I probably was. I didn’t understand that people flow; we move in and out of each other’s lives for different purposes. I had attachment issues, which meant that when I got to know someone, I would hold on to them for dear life. My actions would change depending on how it suited the person, and I was continuously trying to please everyone because rejection became one of my worst fears. It didn’t matter how badly someone was treating me; I still begged for their love and acceptance like a lost dog.
Now, I know my own worth. It took a long time to realise I am worth more. At the end of the day, (favourite quote from Princess Diaries up and coming…) “People can only make you feel inferior with your consent.”
I have decided I will no longer adapt my personality to suit another person. They can either take me as I am, or leave me.
Allow My Past To Define My Future…
We all make mistakes. Small ones, big ones, and sometimes really, really, shitty ones. It’s all part of learning. I learned this year that sometimes mistakes can creep back up on you, even years later and really bite you hard. But, I decided (with the help of my family, of course) that I would no longer run from my mistakes, no matter how humiliating they were. I decided I would use them to enlighten others – to use my story to teach. But this isn’t to say that I’ve ran and told everybody my story. I tell it to those I trust, and to those I fear are heading in the same direction. If the only good thing that comes from it, is stopping somebody else making the same mistake, I’m okay with that.
Apologise For How I Feel…
This has to be my biggest hurdle I had to overcome. Growing up, I always knew I was a little different. I felt strange things, and I couldn’t process my emotions fully. Only two years ago, I found out what was ‘wrong’. I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. I was devastated at first, but last year, I got into counselling and my whole perspective changed.
Being mentally ill wasn’t a bad thing, as long as I had it under control. It doesn’t define who I am as a person. Sometimes, I feel things very very strongly, and I have always been opinionated. I used to get hated on a lot for that, but I’ve realised: that’s not me being mentally ill. Thats me being human. And humans are entitled to feel things as deeply as they need to. If I believe in something, I’m going to say it. As long as I’m not hurting anybody in the process, I will never apologise for how I feel.
So, there it is… my Why I Will Never list!